5/27/98 These are all lyrics that mean something to me for one reason or another.

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Remember the good times that we had?

I let them slip away from us when things got bad

I'm so tired but I can't sleep

Standing on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

I remember the nights I watched as you lay sleeping

Your body gripped by some far away dream

Well I was so scared and so in love then

And so lost in all of you that I had seen

And I will not forget you

Nor will I ever let you go

I remember when you left in the morning at daybreak

So silent you stole from my bed

I ran like the wind to the water

"Please don't leave me again," I cried

And I threw bitter tears at the ocean

But all that came back was the tide

I just liked this picture alot, don't ask me why, might be because I love the color blue. Either that or just b/c I'm a nerd, could be both.

Well, it's 8/9/98 today; I drove Sean to the Philadelphia International Airport yesterday after waking up at 5AM. He went to go see his family in North Carolina. I didn't really think that I'd miss him as much as I do; here he's only going to be gone for a week, and I'm missing him more than I can believe. You never really realize what you have with someone and how much the little things mean to you once they're not around all of the time to share them with you. Everything with us has somehow come to fit perfectly together within a year. For a long time, it wasn't always fitting together exactly as it could have, and the only reason I can think why is because we never really realized what we had together. I didn't hang out with him for about a span of 2 or 3 weeks in July; I always had other plans and never bothered to even talk to him for days at a time. Then one day when we finally hung out again, it was just incredible. Everything seemed right and it was as if we had taken on a whole new level to our relationship. Maybe he missed me and realized what he had, and that made him show how he really felt. Which is what I had always needed to see in him. Now he's the one who is gone and I am missing him more than ever!! I doubt he even really realizes it! But for the first time I really think that I'm in love with someone. I had thought so before, during Freshman year when I had the boyfriend for 6 MONTHS which had seemed like 6 years to us back then. No one usually went out for more than 2 weeks then. But no one compares to Sean. He makes me laugh at everything, he always jokes around with me and can actually match my damn sarcasm, he shows he cares at the best times when I'm not expecting it, he understands any and every little thing about me; more than I realize sometimes. He is everything I could ever hope for, and I hope that college won't be able to edge its way inbetween us, even though I doubt it will. I have a boyfriend back at home that I keep finding out more and more of how much he loves me. Just when I'm pretty sure that he doesn't feel the same way about me, I find out that he feels differently in a deeper aspect. Just a few days ago I found out through a little fight that he thinks about the two of us in a long term light. He is everything to me, and when I hear those kinds of things I can't believe that he really feels the same way about me. I've never had that kind of intense relationship with anyone before. It's almost too good to be true for me. I love him so much and keep realizing that with every day and every new thing I go through. Sean is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't know what I would ever do if he ever decided that we weren't right for each other anymore. I'd be losing such an important part of my life. I don't think he knows yet how much he means to me.

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Sometimes you realize you don't know where you are going with a lot of things. There's always someone who you think something cool is going to happen with, then you get shown otherwise because immediately overnight their feelings change in a heartbeat. You get shown the true nature of people through their hard times and what kinds of things they have to go through that you overhear. You get scared when you find out how some people really are. You get upset, mad, happy, frustrated, annoyed, every single emotion possible when you're at school. You're on your own, you don't have any true sense of direction except for the path you have to make for yourself. And I'm still trying to make sense of this direction that I'm headed towards.